My heart is broken...

Yesterday went from bad, to worse, to completely devastating. Not long after I got home from work last night (around 11), LaVaughn informed me that our little hen, Maggie, passed away. We've had her for years! She's survived two dog attacks and a raccoon attack, she was a trooper.

One of those bastard roosters have jumped her one too many times and probably smashed something inside of her. All the roosters we have here are too big, which is why all but one is going bye-bye very soon. I'll miss her so much, she was such a sweet, docile little girl. I'll miss her dearly.

Around 12:30 AM, I decided to go get Kira's little joeys out for a while and hold them. When I pulled the pouch out, Kira, Logan, and Seamus were all content and looking up at me, just as any other night. Then I noticed that the little mosaic girl was pushed off to the side, resting against her brother. I immediately pulled her out and looked her over. As soon as I sat her in my hand, I knew something wasn't right.

I quickly looked for the other little girl, whom I couldn't find at first. I then, very nervously, started looking under everyone and making sure there were no body parts lying around. That's when I noticed that Kira had that joey completely tucked in her pouch. I grabbed her and the joeys out and put them in a bonding pouch. She eventually got the other baby out, so I took her and put her in the pouch with her dad and brother.

That's when we started the tedious task of trying to get the little mosaic girl to nurse, which was unsuccessful. We tried for over 3 hours to get her to nurse, but she just wouldn't. Kira didn't push her away, and even continued cleaning her every little bit. After that, we decided to mix up some milk replacer and see if she would eat that, which she did.

After she got an entire feeding down, we decided to put the baby back in the pouch with her family. We figured the food would give her the boost she needed to starting nursing again. I've never been so wrong in my entire life!

After about 30 minutes -- mind you, we held the other joey the entire time -- I decided to put the other little girl back in the pouch with her family.

That's when I saw it... Kira and Logan at the bottom of the cage, cannibalizing their baby. She was still moving at the time, so I opened the door and starting blowing on them, but it was too late. They had already tore her tiny, innocent little stomach open. I starting shaking, stuttering, crying. So many thoughts and emotions were going through my head, all I could do was yell for LaVaughn.

I ran from the glider room shouting, "They're killing her, they're killing her!!" LaVaughn, bright eyed and shocked, met me in the bathroom and took the baby from me. After that, we just sat there, completely shocked and speechless. We didn't say two words to each other for the longest time. I was at a loss. I kept replaying what I had just witnessed over and over in my head, like I was in an endless nightmare.

I waited another hour before I decided to step foot back in the room. Even then, they were still fondling the carcass. I wanted so badly to just start shaking every one of them. I've never been so upset and outraged at the gliders before now. Even in all of my anger, I kept telling myself that they do this from time to time. There was apparently something not right with the joey, and they knew that.

Of course, me being the simple, animal loving human that I am, cannot comprehend why they would do this to their own child. I'm just so lost right now. I feel so sad, helpless, and just completely out of it. The thought of neutering every boy we have has gone through my mine more than a few times. When you witness something like this, you just want to protect yourself from ever seeing anything like it again.

It just doesn't seem real, I feel cursed.

Two days after they joeys were OOP, a fellow breeder (Lynsie) contacted us about her. She was extremely interested in her, but insisted she waited a week before she put a deposit down on her "in case she gets rejected". Um, okay... why would you say that? I feel like Lynise jinxed us. We've never, in 4 years of breeding, ever lost a joey that's was already detached.

I told Lynsie about her just a little bit ago, which said said she was sorry about. I mean, I know deep down it's not Lynsie's fault, I just feel jinxed, or cursed.

I'm terrified for the other joey. I've never been so worried and nervous about a joey before. I'm scared to look at her, hold her, get attached to her. I'm terrified to look in the pouch, I'm scared I'm going to find a mangled joey body. I'm just... I don't even know.

LaVaughn and I are getting ready to trim everyone's nails and feed them treats. I can't hold the murder of their joey against them, because -- as much as I hate to admit it -- they did it for a reason. I just have to look past this and not beat myself up over putting the joey back in the pouch with them.

After that, I believe we're going to make everyone new pouches. I know, completely random, but some of our gliders are too big for our normal sized pouches. Especially Kira, Logan, and Seamus. Chloe, Boone, and heir babies are taking up a lot of space in their pouch as well, so some nice, new jumbo pouches will be great for everyone.

I believe I'm going to go outside for a while and clear my head. Maybe spend some time with our army of cats and take some photos. I cannot continue to sit in the house and constantly think of everything that happened last night.

Until next time...

Love & Peace

-Megan

Updated to add pictures from today: