Treating anxiety with Lazarus Naturals...

     If you've ever read any of my previous posts, I'm sure you've seen me write about anxiety a time or two. It's something I've suffered from for the better part of 10 years now. Right after my grandma passed away is when it all started. I panicked about things that might seem silly to people that don't have anxiety, but to me they were the worst. My anxiety was severe for about a year after my gran passed, but then I learned some coping mechanisms (or the grace of God) that helped me better manage it.

     I've done fairly well since then, but it's a constant and daily battle still to this day. Here recently I've struggled a bit more than usual due to some things going on in my life. It's nothing horrible or anything, but thanks to my anxiety, some days it seems like the worst thing in the world. I try to explain why I feel the way I feel to people, but there's just no easy way to do so. I've tried going into great detail, but when you say these things and your feelings out loud, it just sounds silly. Heck, I even sound mental to myself when I step back and think about it, but my anxiety keeps me from processing things like a normal, anxiety-free person.

     I've tried herbal teas, like peppermint and kava, taken supplements, like magnesium and L-theanine, but that feeling that you get in the center of your chest still likes to rear its ugly head. And even if you're having a good day, the thought of something that's taking place days or even weeks from then will still put you in panic mode. Now I'm not saying these teas and supplements haven't helped at all, because I do believe I have been able to benefit from them, but they've ever fully taken my anxiety away.

     My sister tells me I need to see a doctor, which I know I probably should, but being put on lifelong meds is just something I'm not comfortable with. They change the chemistry of your brain and keep you in a fog. Even if they're mild, they can still mess with you in different ways. I've have friends that take anti-anxiety meds, some say they work for them, others say they turn them into zombies. I'm not a fan of any type of medicine or even going to the doctor, so the thought of going alone stresses me out.

     I'm all for finding naturals ways to deal with medical issues. Maybe it's due to my Native American ancestors or maybe it's because I'm scared of taking something that's been produced by a chemist. Whichever it may be, I've finally decided to take the plunge and purchase my first CBD product.

     I've read about CBD oils for some time now and have read countless amounts of mixed reviews. Some say they're a godsend, others chalk them up to being just like an essential oil. I know there's scientific evidence behind the fact that cannabis has endless amounts of healing properties, so it's completely worth a shot, right? I've been reading up on different brands, which is the purest and which is the most effective for anxiety. That's when I stumbled across Lazarus Naturals. I've read dozens, if not hundreds of reviews and don't think I found any negative ones. I mean, there were a couple people on Reddit that didn't have a good experience, but the comments were nothing but good.

     I made my purchase late last week, so I should receive my High Potency Full Spectrum Tincture within a day or two. I can only hope and pray to God that this works as well for me as it has for so many other people. People have nothing but good things to say about Lazarus Naturals. From their high standards, amazing prices and assistance programs, they're one of the best CBD companies out there. I only hope I'm able to share an equally amazing experience with you all soon. And believe me, I will update ASAP.


High Potency Full Spectrum CBD Tincture

Sample Photography...

     Like I said in my previous post, I've done quite a bit more photoshoots this year and even got paid for a few of them. That's a big thing for me, considering I'm the type of person that feels horrible charging anyone for anything. I know that's no way to run a business, but most of the people I do shoots for are friends or friends of friends. Anyways, I'm gonna share some of my shoots from the past couple years. Don't be overwhelmed, there really aren't that many, lol.


     First up is Shawna's niece, Layla. I've worked with Shawna for going on 4 years, so it was a pleasure to take her niece's photos. Definitely makes things a lot more comfortable when you know the person really well. We did them locally at a place called Lon Sanders Canyon in Piedmont, MO back in April of 2018. Here are a couple of my faves:


     Next up is my cousin. Trina's, wedding in June of 2018. This is a touchy subject for me, because I took these right around the time Milla started to get sick, so that's what they remind me of. I would also like to add that I wasn't my cousins wedding photographer, I just happened to be there and take some photos. These were taken at the Elk's Lodge in Ironton, MO. Here are a few of my faves:


     I didn't do anymore shoots in 2018 -- I'm also realizing I didn't do ANY in 2017 -- so the rest of these shoots are from this past year. This next session was from February of 2019 and technically my first paid shoot of the year, even though I didn't get paid for several months, but that's an entirely different can of worms. This happens to be my first engagement session and one of my absolute favorite shoots of all time. This was for Destiny and her fiance, Danny. I used to work with Destiny way back. Here are some of my faves:


     Next up are Marissa's senior pics. I worked with her for close to a year, so she and I became very close, making this photoshoot a walk in the park. Like the ones above, these are some of my favorite pics that I've taken. I believe these were from March of 2019 and taken all over Des Arc, Annapolis and Vulcan, MO. Here are some of my faves:


     Next up is another kids senior pics, Hunter. His family wasn't exactly involved, so I was more than happy to do his senior pics just a couple weeks after Marissa's. I didn't know the kid well and since she did, she and his girlfriend (Marissa's niece) tagged along. His photos were taken around Vulcan & Annapolis, MO. Here are some of my faves:


     Next up was my first big paying gig, Destiny and Danny's wedding. Let me tell ya, I was a nervous wreck! Thankfully, Shawna was my plus one to this affair, which made the thing a whole lot easier and less awkward. It was a stifling 88+ degree May afternoon, so you can only imagine the amount of sweat in and around the venue. And of course, she had the wedding at 4pm, in the heat of the day with the sun blaring down on everyone. It was a different experience and definitely one that I'm glad I was a part of, but definitely not something I'm prepared for. I need far better equipment, mainly lenses for weddings, even though I was lucky enough to buy a 35mm which I'm in LOVE with! All in all it was a successful 7+ hour day. The wedding was held at Markham Springs in Ellsinore, MO. Here are some of my faves:


     Next up are Christopher's pictures. These are the first pics that I took solely with my 35mm lens and I honestly couldn't be more thrilled! I was worried the bokeh wouldn't be as good as with the 50mm, but these are some of my favorite pics I've ever taken. Christopher is the son of another girl I worked with for a little while. It's taken us 2 years to actually get together to get them done! These were taken at the end of September in Dec Arc, MO.

2 Years & 10 Months Later...

     Wow, I don't even know if I remember how to post a blog, if I'm being honest. It's been nearly 3 years since I've posted ANY type of blog! You all know what my last one was about, so you can understand why I haven't been around. It's been a crazy 3 years and a lot has changed, but a lot hasn't. I'm going to touch on some VERY tender subjects, which is why this post will probably take me days to finish. I honestly don't even know if I want to start blogging again, it's just something that popped in my head at the time.

     I guess I should explain everything that happened with my little brother first. There's so much to it, so I'll try and make it as short as possible so that you're not reading for 20 minutes on one subject. Back in January of 2017 my brothers blood sugar got so high that it sent him into diabetic ketoacidosis. He was in a coma for over 2 weeks and in ICU for nearly a month, then got sent to a type of recovery facility for almost 4 months before he was able to go home. He's made leaps and bounds since then, but he's still confined to a hospital bed. Brain injuries can sometimes take years to recover from, if at all, but considering they said opening his eyes was as good as it was going to get, I'd say he's beat the odds.

     The next and hardest subject would be the loss of two of my pets, Milla and Zoe. We lost Milla to a splenic tumor in on June 22nd of last year. The vet called us in the middle of the surgery to remove the tumor to tell us that it was attached to her liver that was most likely already cancerous as well. Since Milla was well over 12, our vet didn't think it was worth it to put her through it, so we had her put to sleep. Then in on November 12th we lost Zoe to FIV and kidney complications. She had severe bronchitis and worsening kidney failure that ultimately took her life. She was 16 1/2, so losing her nearly killed me, considering I had her over half of my life. I don't have skin children, but losing those two was as close as I can get to losing my own babies, which I did.

     The rest of what's happened in the nearly 3 years is pale in comparison. I mean, we have lost some of our sugar gliders as well. I'm fairly certain I mentioned Sadie and Pip, but we've also lost Kira and Fiona as well. We've also re-homed Chloe, Boone and Evie & Oliver and Ellie. We just got overwhelmed with the number of cages we had and decided it was best for not only us, but them as well. Chloe's cage went to live with Doug and Kyan and Oliver and his family went to live with Dee, his breeder. We're down to 5 cages right now, but we're hoping to introduce some of them soon and be down to at least 3 cages. We got Norman neutered a little over a month ago, so we're officially not breeders anymore. We have their last two joeys still, but hopefully we'll be able to find them good homes soon.

     Work wise, the store that I work at switched hands back in March of 2018. It was a change for the better, considering I never have to close alone anymore - even in the winter! It was a scary change at first, but I'm so happy that it happened now. It went from Des Arc General Store to Des Arc Corner Store. My photography has picked up a little. I've done 3 paid gigs this year and a couple other free ones, of course. 90% of my photoshoots are free. Hopefully I can start advertising soon and get more paid shoots, but I'm fine doing whatever for now. I'll make an independent post about some of those shoots later on.

     I don't remember what I blogged about last, so forgive me if I go over things I've already touched on. I believe, at the time, we just had Cersei and Clementine outside. Clem was the little yellow kitten that someone dropped off. Well a little over a year ago, Cersei just disappeared without a trace. We looked for her for the longest time, but she was just gone. Then two years ago or so, there was a stray cat living at the end of our gravel road. She got pregnant I think 3 different times during the year that we fed her and all her kittens. Well a lady from the church at the end of our road ended up taking her home with her because she was giving birth outside the church one night. Well as soon as the kittens were weaned, she dumped the mama cat back off at the end of our road. We were livid! LaVaughn snatched her up one night after church and brought her to live with us. That was over a year ago now and mama cat (now Piper) if very chub, spayed and happy as a clam!

     I'm trying to think of any major changed that's occurred over the last almost 3 years. We haven't done any major travel, changed too much around the house or with the car. The only thing that I think has changed about me is that I wear glasses now. In December of 2017, right before my 30th birthday, I had to have my 2nd molar removed AND have to wear glasses now. What a way to enter my 30s, lol. As far as friends go, we've fallen out of touch with pretty much all of our glider friends. We used to be super close with Doug and Kyan -- I was especially close with Doug. They started trying to adopt almost 2 years ago (I even signed for them), but it's been a constant battle with them and two different boys they tried to adopt. I won't go into specifics, but we basically don't speak to one another anymore, but I'm fine with it now.

     It feels so strange blogging right now, but also feels like I've never stopped. Funny how things can be that way. I feel like since I've stopped blogging that influencers have become a HUGE thing. You can't read a blog or look at Instagram without someone trying to sell something. It honestly makes me kinda sick, so don't ever expect that from me. This is basically my online journal, it always has been. Sure I have Google adsense on the sides, but hell, there's nothing wrong with making .12 every other day, lol.

     And with that, I believe I will close. I can't really think of anything else to write at the moment and feel like I've said enough for one day. Until next time...