Remember yesterday...

I've been preparing for this day for months now. Postponing the inevitable doesn't make things magically better, it just prolongs death. By now I'm sure you've gathered that we've lost a very precious member of our furry family today. Our rat, Sally, has left this painful life and is in her eternal resting place.

LaVaughn and I both agreed that today was the day that we have her put down. She made a turn for the better last week. She put on weight, became more energetic, and just seemed so full of life. That all came to a grinding halt about a week ago. Her health has been declining at an alarming rate and she just seemed absent. She was there, but she wasn't. Last night I saw it in her eyes that she was ready.

My heart is breaking in ways I never thought imaginable. I've cried non-stop for hours. I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to let her go, but thankfully I was strong enough and realized that she was the one suffering and I was just being selfish.

I'm so thankful that my aunt was able to take her out of the cage. I was trying, but failing miserable. I was crying and shaking so hard that I could hardly hold the pet taxi. I had to leave immediately after and just get away, so LaVaughn and I drove in the opposite direction for countless miles. It wasn't until we came into unfamiliar territory that we decided to turn and go back.

I felt a certain level of peace on the way back, knowing that my precious girl was no longer in pain. Of course, regret and all the other deadly effects of loss started to fall into place. I know it was silly of us, but we decided to play with the rat boys in the bathroom today. I don't know why, but they were trying like crazy to escape their cage. I lasted for a good 10 minutes before I lost it. I tried to cover the sadness with songs on my MP3 player, but everything that came on was (somehow) a reminder.

We actually just left the bathroom -- we were in there for over 2 hours, crying and playing with the boys. Right now I feel like I've been kicked in the face by a horse. My eyes are puffy, my head is pounding, and I just feel completely heartbroken and lost. I'm having a hard time facing the fact that I'll never get to see my sweet girl every again. I'll never feel her little rat feet crawling around on me, her warm little body inside my shirt, her wet tongue kisses -- I honestly just can't.

-Megan